Kensie, :) -effielforyou,

“i think i might lose it this motherfucker thinking im stupid. he must of bumped his head i only know its 4 am. standing here&im getting heated. pour me up a drink i swear i need it. i think imma about to hurt somebody. swear this man is begging me to leave him,getting sick of being so mistreated.”

i don’t know whats going on,honestly. i just feel hopeless. & distant. like i was with my brother,cassie,elise, & randy today & they were all having fun while i was just sitting there. like whatever this feeling is,is keeping me away from everything. like being happy & having fun. like i feel like i can’t laugh or enjoy life. it’s making me reach the point of thinking about suicide. & i have cut myself. things just pile up. & people ask me, ‘what is causing you to feel like that’ I. DON’T. KNOW. i would tell you if i even had a slight idea. it just messes with me where all these things are just runnning through my head & i can’t think straight. like i’m failing most of my classes,i’ve ran away from my house multiple times now,got the cops called on me,parents have wanted to take me to mental hospitals & stuff. just crazy shiiitt. it’s going too far. now i’m in counseling once a week.. but i don’t feel like that’s going to help. one bit. i just feel like there’s no point. on anything. just like i’m on a long trail & i can’t find my way back or to how i used to be so i just decide to give up & see what happens. i feel like cutting myself is the only pain i can control & that’s why i do it. i lay awake a lot at night just for no reason even if i’m reallly tired & just cry. i don’t know what makes me do it,it just happens. like last night didn’t fall asleep & slept in till almost 3. it’s almost 2 in the morning & i can’t bring myself to fall asleep. i want to take a whole bunch of pills & be done. like the other night i wanted to just open the car door & jump out on the highway. uuugh,i don’t like feeling like this.. i used to not be like this at all. & this guy cody isn’t making anything better. that’s pretty much what is on my mind tonight. we started talking found out he was talking to my friend hannah at the same time right.. well we stopped then started again & now he has decided to ignore me all weekend & then still post things on facebook.. & i even messaged him on facebook. he knows everything going on with me & he won’t even answer. i was talking to his best friend taylor & even he told me to be done with cody because he lied to me but won’t tell me how.. well even if i talk to cody,cody won’t tell me either so i guess i’m just going to be sitting here wondering. greaaaattt. so. done. with. everything.